The right choice. On the good grounds

I met him in Arnhem and recognized him. The son of a motorcycling acquaintance, now apparently also a weathered thirty-something. So the son, not the father. I knew he was riding a motorbike and he was wearing an old leather jacket with a sewn-on Triumph emblem. The jacket was really old. Not fancy vintage. As I said, he looked rather drunk for what I remembered as his age.

"Joh, how are you?"

The politically correct answer of any vague knowledge is: "Good". Then you chat a bit and continue your own way. The answer was a deeply meaning "Klote". Then of course you can say: “Okay! Good to have seen you again. And strength isn't it. "

But if you are more comfortable in your time, you can say: "We dive into the pub here and do a cup of coffee."

It went really bad

After a few years of pioneering, the son of an acquaintance went to live with his love together. She was not a motor woman, but let him go as long as he fulfilled his relational and social obligations. He did that. And then De Kinderwens came. That was a shock, because children's wishes are usually more of a woman's thing. And something for children when it comes to wish lists. But because life is a matter of giving and taking, parenting seemed an option.

The basis seemed better in any case than with a couple I knew

There was an age difference of 23 years in between. And he already had adult children when she was 35^th also wanted to have at least one of themselves. That was nicely negotiated: She became pregnant, he bought a Harley. She received a caesarean section. He a fat tattoo. Also a deal. By the way, he did quite a few miles on his Harley.

But here in the pub the story turned out to be different

When my table partner came home once, he met his Lief and her mother. The message was clear: Now that a child was approaching, the motorcycle had to leave the house. And there appeared to be no discussion about that. The young expectant father was from after the generation of men who remembered the first emancipation tsunami. So he was the kind of man who just realized that he didn't just have his soft side to sit on and that the nicer modeled sex also had to be heard. But the confrontation surprised him and he threatened to get angry like men 1.0 did. He picked up himself, took some clothes and a toothbrush and went to the nearby motel. There he met a friend of his by the way with a lady other than that that friend was married to. Relationships apparently remain difficult things.

The second conversation

After a cooling-off period of a few days in which a lot of messages had arrived on his smartphone, he contacted his girlfriend. They made an appointment in neutral territory. The mother appeared to be there again. And the hard requirement to get rid of the motorcycle had remained. The approach was clear: "The engine goes away, or it is the end of our love." Emotional blackmail could have been more subtle. And more effective.

It was quiet for a minute or so at the table

“A pity for you and your child. And not because of the child. But I don't want to share my life with such a mother-in-law and daughter. And you don't have to leave. I am gone". He greeted calmly. And walked outside. Where I bumped into him.

“You know, if she had tackled it differently, I would have liked to put the engine away. But now I felt that I was sitting in front of a court. And how much she actually looked like her mother. The scales caught my eye. "

I myself am a man as long as I can remember

From experience I know that being a man isn't everything either. But I did not let myself be tempted to convert to one of the 23 other possible genders. You have to make something out of it. And I have seen several emancipation waves. Emancipation in the true sense of the word is fantastic. Just like democracy or liberalism.

But there is quite a tension between reality and theory

And between men and women. But still: emancipation is fine. Yet there is an ancient, wise saying among men: “Women are like mushrooms harvested themselves. If you find the wrong one, it will destroy you. ”

And a hard decision can be a good decision.

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